we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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