Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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