We're like a lot better than the average bears
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
