I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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