ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
