I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
