after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
