Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Randomize
