dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
