quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
