Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
