i love accidental penises.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize