she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
