dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
