the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
