4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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