we're blogging at a bar
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
