I just threw up on my dentist
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
