Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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