did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
