I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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