The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
