The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
