I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My liver just had a heart attack.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
