He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
