i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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