i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
