I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
