Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.

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(239): View more from Florida

At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt

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(502): View more from Kentucky

He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.

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(562): View more from California

Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car

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(515): View more from Iowa

I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.

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(985): View more from Louisiana

Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.

(504): View more from Louisiana

This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.

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(+48): View more from Poland

We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.

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(619): View more from California

The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...

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