as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
