just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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