I'm drive I can fine osifer
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
