I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
