What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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