that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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