Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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