so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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