he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
