He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
how does that bad decision feel?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
