NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
