i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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