Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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