Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
