So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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