College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
