don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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