i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
