went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize