my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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