you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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