I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
