She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
