my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I am one with the molecules
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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