Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Drake has all the answers
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
