Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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