I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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