god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
