I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I will pee on everything he values.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
