the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize