Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
