i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
