Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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