D3 body, D1 cock
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have post one night stand depression
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