I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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