no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
