my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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